dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
