i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
