so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
porn star boner night. come get it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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