im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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