Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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