Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
