Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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