Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
