4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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