i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
