I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
