Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
