take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
