Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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