Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
