Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
