He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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