guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
