Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
