It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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