the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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