How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
