Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
