It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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