I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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