So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
