There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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