There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
