i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
