my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
