I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
