god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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