I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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