somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
