Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
