dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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