I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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