so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
