I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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