Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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