Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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