Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
