If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
