My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
