I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
