So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
