You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
