Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
