Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
