He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
