sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
