We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
