We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
