Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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