Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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